How to Win at Life

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Being a winner in life really just means learning how to grow as a person while creating healthy, happy relationships. The best way to do this is to create a fulfilling lifestyle filled with love and positivity. Make sure to cultivate healthy thoughts, relationships, and practices in your daily life.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Growing as a Person

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  1. Practice thinking confident thoughts . Confidence, like many things, is a skill that can be learned. Even if you don't start off feeling confident, the more you practice, the better you'll get and the happier you'll feel. Think positively about your life. When faced with an obstacle, tell yourself that you can overcome it. [1]
    • Even if you’re not feeling confident, try acting confident with body language. Stand up straight while you're walking or sitting. Avoid standing with your arms crossed. Instead, put your hands on your hips.
    • Just smiling, even if you force it, can help you feel instantly happier and more confident, as your brain releases endorphins. [2]
    • Stop negative thinking. It's normal to have self-doubts, but you can overcome them. Every time you start having negative thoughts about yourself, stop yourself and re-frame the thought into a positive or neutral one. For example, if you find yourself thinking "I am so worthless,” think instead, “I am really valuable to myself and others.” [3]
  2. Never stop educating yourself throughout your life. It will keep your brain sharp, lower your risk for diseases like Alzheimer's, and give you interesting things to discuss with other people. Start with subjects that are interesting to you, such as video game design or historical costuming. [4]
    • Educate yourself about what is happening in the world: advances in science, medicine, politics, art, and current events. This keeps you in touch with what is going on.
    • Try to learn a new skill, such as knitting, speaking a foreign language, or understanding astrophysics.
    • Reading books and articles, watching the news and documentaries, or doing online tutorials are all great ways to keep learning.
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  3. No matter how successful you are, no matter how healthy you are, no matter what you do or don't do, you're going to make mistakes and experience failure. Sometimes these incidents will be your fault, sometimes they won't. It's how you respond to them that will determine your ability to be successful at life. [5]
    • Your attitude toward life shapes how you experience things. Let go of your expectations and accept life as it is. This will empower you to handle whatever comes your way. [6]
    • Don't be afraid to make mistakes. When you do make a mistake, ask yourself how did things go wrong, what did you learn from it, and what will you do differently next time?
    • To learn from your mistakes, you must first take accountability for them. Acknowledge where you went wrong so that you can fix it.
  4. Although it can be a little nerve-racking at first, these experiences will help you gain confidence and the resources to deal with the uncertainties of life. You might try something as intense as sky-diving or rock-climbing or something more mundane like meeting new people or speaking in front of a crowd . [7]
    • Take small steps to get better. If you have social anxiety , for example, your small step could be talking to 1 unknown person a week or making 1 phone call per week. You can eventually work up to going to an event by yourself or dealing with people on a regular basis.
    • Try to do something that pushes you each day. Even small shifts can end up making a big difference in your life. [8]
  5. Your vocation is your calling in life that gives you meaning. Sometimes, this is your profession, but it can also be a hobby, a passion, or a side project. Study your interests, passions, and hobbies. Use those to guide you towards a vocation that is meaningful to you.
    • Think about your values—what really lights you up and gets you excited? What do you want to be remembered for? Then, try to figure out what you can do that aligns with that. [9]
    • If your job isn’t your passion in life, try to think of all the positive benefits of it. Make a list of all the good things about your job, such as having coworkers you like, making a difference in people's lives, or making enough money to buy a house.
    • Don't feel like you necessarily have to make big changes all at once. You can still incorporate your passion into your daily life. For instance, if you love acting, you might not be able to quit your job and move to Hollywood, but you might find that you enjoy acting in a local community theater. [10]
  6. Gratitude lets you lead a life where you feel content and fulfilled. Once a day, find something that you are grateful for. Write it down or say how much it means to you. [11]
    • Being grateful affirms that there are good things in life, even if not everything is good at the moment. For example, if a loved one has died, you have every right to be sad. Instead of focusing on their death, however, focus on how grateful you were to have them in your life.
    • Keep a gratitude journal. Jot down all the little things that happened throughout each day that you were grateful for. This will create a habitual practice of gratitude.
  7. Practice mindfulness . The practice of mindfulness helps you experience each sensation and detail in the moment. Take a few minutes to notice everything around you. Pay attention to the sights, sounds, feel, and smells. Don't assign value judgments to things (such as a "beautiful sky" or "cold wind"), but simply notice them. [12]
    • Meditation is a great way to get started with mindfulness. For 15 minutes each day sit quietly somewhere. Breathe deeply, and focus only on your breath. If you get distracted, return your attention to your breath.
    • You can also practice mindfulness while eating. Notice what you're eating: the texture (smooth, crunchy, chewy), the taste (is it salty? Is it sweet? Is it spicy?), the temperature (hot, cold). Try avoiding distractions, such as TV or reading, while you eat.
    • Mindfulness can help with depression and anxiety, reduce your stress, boost your memory, increase your focus, and create better emotional stability.
  8. Remember that life is a series of choices. To take control of your life, you need to take responsibility for those choices, rather than acting as if everything happens to you. Instead of blaming someone else, accept responsibility, and do what you need to do to fix the situation. [13]
    • Make the choice to not react to things in a negative or destructive way. For example, if your friend said something mean about you behind your back, don't get try to get revenge or snap at them. Instead, ignore the comment or politely confront them.
    • While you cannot always control what happens to you in life, you can control how you react to it. For example, if you get diagnosed with a disease, instead of saying "why me?", let it galvanize you to live the life you've always wanted.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Developing Fulfilling Relationships

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  1. The people you allow in your life can either prop you up during the difficult times or create a drag down on your mental and physical well-being. People with a strong, healthy circle of friends tend to be happier and live longer. Choose relationships make you the best version of yourself. [14]
    • Make sure that you take time out to maintain your important friendships, like going out for a quick coffee date, or even just sending them a letter or email asking how they are.
    • Avoid toxic personalities or bad friends. People who don't listen to you or who treat you poorly simply aren't worth spending time with. Just let the association fizzle.
    • Appreciate the people who have your back. Make sure the people that you love and trust know how you feel about them.
    • Remember that not everyone will like you. It’s not worth it to worry about the people who don't care for you or don't care about you. Instead, focus on strengthening relationships you have with the people who like you for who you are.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Being a positive person can help your relationships. Make an effort to build strong connections with the people who matter most. Offer help to others to develop a sense of purpose in your life. Bringing humor, kindness, compassion, and fun into your interactions can make a big difference.

  2. 2
    Let yourself be vulnerable with others. It's important that you share your true self with others and not just what you think they want to see. Be brave enough to be who you are without fear of rejection. The right people will be there for you, so trust them to love the real you. Being yourself will allow you to have deeper relationships with those you care about. [15]
    • Don't compartmentalize your life. Be open with the people you care about.
  3. Ask for help when you need it. It can be really hard to let people know that you're having a difficult time and that you might need a hand with things, but you shouldn't have to struggle through things by yourself. By asking for help, someone else may be able to ease your burden. [16]
    • If you're having a hard time, or even if you just need a hand moving a couch, ask your trusted friends. If they are actually good friends, they will be more than willing to give you a hand. (And if not, well, now you know they aren't that good a friend.)
    • If you are feeling depressed, anxious, or down on life, consider talking to a mental health professional who can help you cope with life’s struggles.
  4. Don't hang on to hatred. This is a sure way to be unhappy and constantly upset. If someone does something upsetting to you, ignore it if you can or let them know in a non-confrontational manner. [17]
    • For example, if someone says something mean to you, instead of being mad at them for several days, try to let go of your anger. If you feel as though you must confront them, say something like, “Hey, I was really hurt when you said that I looked like a dog.”
  5. Romantic relationships can be incredibly important for many people, but make sure that it's someone who supports you and makes you feel that you are the best version of yourself that you can be. Otherwise, the relationship might cause more stress than happiness. [18]
    • Don't believe you can change someone. If you feel as though you constantly need to change someone, they aren't right for you. Likewise, if someone acts abusively towards you, you need to get out, even if they say they’ll change.
    • Your romantic partner should be someone that you should trust, who makes you feel confident and important. There should also be mutual respect between the 2 of you.
    • If you’re single, enjoy it! Think about the benefits of singledom: the only desires you have to consider are your own, you can focus on yourself, and you get to spend more time with your friends.
  6. Volunteering and giving back will help you live a more fulfilled life. Why? Because you will be engaged in your community. Charity reduces stress, and it can help you more fully experience joy, optimism, and a feeling of control in your life. [19]
    • Even if you have very little, give what you can. This can be something as simple as a $1 or $5 donation to a Kickstarter Project that you think is important, or you can find a way to do this without using money, like giving your time to a cause you find important, etc.
    • Do things for the people in your life. If your mom or husband does all the cleaning, give them a hand each week to make it easier on them. Offer to babysit your brother's kids, or give your grandfather a ride to his doctor's appointments.
  7. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Everyone has different talents, abilities, opportunities, and achievements. Judge yourself by your own standards, not by anyone else's. By comparing yourself to others, you're going to bring yourself down. [20]
    • In some cases, life just isn't fair. That's a normal experience that everyone deals with at 1 time or another. Remind yourself of the statement, "You do you."
    • The only one you should compare yourself to is yourself. Ask yourself how you've grown from yesterday, or what you're doing now that you weren't doing in the past.
    • Honor other people's accomplishments without thinking how they show you up, or how they are so much better than you. For example, if your friend just got a prestigious scholarship, don’t think "I'm so stupid, I could never get that scholarship.” Instead, think, "My friend worked so hard for that scholarship. I’m so happy for her.”
  8. Listen actively and fully to other people. The skill of careful listening is one that is so often undervalued and ignored. Don’t talk over other people, and avoid trying to think about what you’ll say next. Instead, keep an open mind and try to absorb what the other person is saying. [21]
    • Try " active listening. " Rephrase what the other person is saying to show that you are listening.
    • Maintain eye contact with the other person as they talk. If you find your mind wandering during the conversation, ask for clarification from the other person. You can even phrase this nicely: "I was just thinking about your last point, could you repeat what you just said."
    • Do not start checking your phone when you're having a conversation with someone. If you're waiting for an incredibly important text or phone call, let the other person know.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Health

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  1. Practicing good eating habits can help your mood and improve your health. Find a sense of balance between healthy eating and fun eating, and you'll see an improvement in your health and your life. [22]
    • Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. Eat at least 5 servings a day of each.
    • Go for lean rather than fatty meats, and make sure to eat fish, poultry, eggs, soy, beans, and nuts. These give you healthy fats and protein that make you feel energetic and strong.
    • Eat the right carbohydrates, because they will provide fuel that you'll need to make it through the day. You'll want to eat nutrient-rich, high-fiber carbohydrates like quinoa, oats, brown rice, whole wheat to win in life.
    • Avoid eating too much sugary, salty, or processed foods.
  2. Water makes up a huge portion of your body and getting dehydrated can give you a headache, make it difficult to function, and make you really sleepy. Drink plenty of fluids each day to stay hydrated and healthy. [23]
    • Ideally, men should drink about 15.5 cups (3.7 liters) a day while women need 11.5 cups (2.7 liters) a day. Use a water bottle with measurements on the side to help you get enough.
    • Tea, coffee, flavored water, or skim milk are other great ways to get enough fluids.
  3. Lack of sleep can cause health problems, both mental and physical, to get worse. It can also make you less functional during the day. Make sure you go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Your body will thank you. [24]
    • Turn off all electronics 30 minutes before bedtime. The light from electronics can make it difficult for you to fall asleep.
    • Practice soothing rituals in the evening before bed, such as drinking chamomile tea, reading a book, or taking a bath.
    • Teens need more sleep than adults. If you're a teen, aim for 8-10 hours a night. [25]
  4. Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. Exercise releases chemicals in your brain that make you happier so that your mood will be better, your body will feel better, and you'll feel more confident. Take a 30 minute walk each day, put on some music and dance, or do calming yoga.
    • To keep your body in tip-top shape, do more vigorous exercise 2-3 times a week. This might be running, lifting weights, or kickboxing.
  5. Your happiness and your success in life depend on 1 thing and 1 thing alone: you. Take care of yourself so that you feel good about your life and about yourself. Find a few day rituals that help you pamper yourself and relax. [26]
    • Schedule your "me time" every day, whether it's a short break or a longer block of time. Give yourself time to do a favorite activity, or time to relax and do nothing.
    • For example, you might do a mini-facial at night, take a bubble bath, work on a craft project, do some yoga, or practice aromatherapy.
    • It is okay to treat yourself. Buy yourself that book you've been wanting, eat that piece of chocolate cake, or take the weekend and go on an adventure to the next town! You owe it to yourself!
    • Remember not to put yourself last. Being selfless can be great, but not to the point that your happiness is being completely shattered. For example, you don't need to always make dinner or you don't need to always need to take on all those projects at work.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I find my purpose in life?
    Sydney Axelrod
    Certified Life Coach
    Sydney Axelrod is a certified life coach and the owner of Sydney Axelrod LLC, a life coaching business focused on professional and personal development. Through one-on-one coaching, digital courses, and group workshops, Sydney works with clients to discover their purpose, navigate life transitions, and set and accomplish goals. Sydney has over 1,000 hours of relevant coaching certifications and holds a BBA in Marketing and Finance from Emory University.
    Sydney Axelrod
    Certified Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    The best place to start is by getting clear on what your values are. Think about what makes you feel really excited and lit-up, and what you want to be remembered for. Then, look for areas where you're not living according to those values. Make small changes in your life, and be open to how you can live in those values more and more.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802165441.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/smiling-can-trick-your-brain-happiness-boost-your-health-ncna822591
      3. ↑ Sydney Axelrod. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/7-ways-to-keep-your-memory-sharp-at-any-age
      5. ↑ https://www.coloradotech.edu/blog/2018/september/how-to-learn-from-your-mistakes
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201512/5-benefits-stepping-outside-your-comfort-zone
      8. ↑ Sydney Axelrod. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.
      9. ↑ Sydney Axelrod. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.
      1. ↑ Sydney Axelrod. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.umassd.edu/counseling/for-parents/recommended-readings/the-importance-of-gratitude/
      3. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/mindfulness/
      4. ↑ https://www.inc.com/brent-gleeson/16-ways-to-be-happier-and-live-a-more-fulfilling-life.html
      5. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
      6. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/embracing-vulnerability-strengthens-connections/
      7. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2015/03/24/asking-for-help-is-a-sign-of-strength-not-weakness/#66740dbf6e01
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/tips-to-stop-holding-a-grudge
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      10. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/the-happiness-health-connection
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-creative-imperative/201108/killing-yourself-comparison
      12. ↑ https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/how-to-talk-about-health-problems/active-listening
      13. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/food-and-mental-health/
      14. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/healthy-weight-growth/water-healthy-drinks/
      15. ↑ https://www.apa.org/action/resources/research-in-action/sleep-deprivation.aspx
      16. ↑ https://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/teens-and-sleep
      17. ↑ https://mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself

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