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Expert tips for rekindling a woman’s interest
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So you're dating a great woman...but now you've got to put in the effort to keep her interested and make sure your relationship is healthy and fulfilling for both of you. Or, perhaps you've caught her eye but she's starting to lose interest. We're here to help! We talked with Imad Jbara, Relationship Expert and Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, to put together the ultimate list of suggestions to help you be your best self and show your special lady what a great catch you really are. Plus, we've got tips to help you cope if she's starting to lose interest. Read on for our complete guide.
Tips for Keeping a Woman Interested
- Share affectionate touch and flirt with her no matter how long you’ve been together.
- Make her laugh by telling a joke or funny story.
- Try paying her sincere compliments that focus on her character.
- Ask her open-ended questions and really listen when she talks.
- Take on challenges and try new activities together.
Steps
Section 1 of 2:
Keeping a Woman Interested
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Touch her affectionately to show her you care. Hold her hand, play with her hair, and kiss her spontaneously. Physical contact between you is just as important later in your relationship as it is in the beginning. It’s easy to take a partner for granted, especially when you’ve been together for a long time, but maintaining physical contact helps you create and keep a strong bond. [1] X Research source
- Be sure you aren’t only using touch to initiate sex since that can make it feel like a disingenuous expression of affection.
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Tell her a joke or funny story. Establishing and building your bond with a woman can be as simple as sharing a laugh over a funny story. Laughing together releases endorphins and can bring you closer together. [2] X Research source When you laugh with your partner, it shows her you have a similar worldview…which can strengthen your relationship.
- Jbara suggests that you spice things up by being illogical and fun.
- The bonding power of laughter can fade over time, so the more you laugh together, the stronger your bond will be. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
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Keep flirting with her even after you’ve been together for a while. Flirting can help keep the spark alive, no matter how long you've been dating. A little playful banter can reignite the romance, increase your intimacy, and make your partner feel more confident and desired.
- Try teasing her. Light teasing like you did to get her attention when you first met is a great way to add a little spice to your daily interactions. [4] X Research source
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Pay her sincere compliments. A genuine compliment can make a woman’s day better. Even more importantly, paying her a heartfelt compliment can help you develop a deeper, more secure bond with her. Just make sure you’re complimenting who she is. Jbara says, “Everyone likes getting complimented on their looks. But when you compliment somebody on their looks consistently, and they usually get those compliments, it's not really that special anymore.”
- Instead of focusing on looks or superficial subjects, try complimenting her character or something she does that you really appreciate.
- Make sure your compliments are from the heart. Women can tell when your compliments are insincere, and it can damage your bond.
- You can say something like, “You know how to make me laugh, even when I’m in a bad mood. I really love that quality about you, Ashley.”
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Ask open-ended questions. When you talk to each other, go beyond superficial chit-chat to talk about what’s really important to her. Jbara suggests, “21 questions is like a secret. I'm telling you. You make a rule where the other person can't ask you the same question you asked…it works [like] magic.” Talk about subjects that really delve into who you are as people. Doing so creates a deep and lasting bond. Ask questions like:
- “What do you want your future to be like?”
- “Why do you avoid your sister’s calls?”
- “How does it feel to be the manager of your team?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 240 wikiHow readers which texting game they’d most enjoy playing with their boyfriend, and 54% of them said 20 Questions. [Take Poll] So go for it whether you're in person or just texting!
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Show her you respect her by asking her opinion. Respecting her is crucial to keeping her interest. Show her that you value her opinion and make sure she puts in her two cents when it comes to decisions you make together. Let her talk without interrupting her, listen to her, and never insult her or belittle her. Basically, follow the golden rule: treat her how you would want to be treated.
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Talk about your relationship. Talking about your relationship is a healthy way to stay connected and address any issues before they become too big to solve. Making plans for the future and discussing what you really love about each other are great ways to bond. Plus, talking about your relationship will give her a sense of stability that she might not be able to find with anyone else.
- Create a safe, nonjudgmental space where you both know that you can be honest with each other without being laughed at or yelled at.
- Alternatively, if you have an issue, say something such as, “Jacqueline, I feel upset when you ignore my text messages. It makes me wonder if I’ve done something wrong. Have I?”
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Make an effort to understand her. When she’s talking, try to really listen and hear what she’s saying to you. Show her you’re truly interested in what she has to say by giving her your full attention. Ask questions that show you understand what she’s saying or want clarification to better understand her.
- Many of us try to show we understand another person by sharing our experiences. Resist using the word “I” and talking mostly about your experiences. [5] X Research source
- Avoid trying to “solve” her problem. Sometimes, a woman just needs you to listen. If you try to offer a solution, it can make her feel like you don’t really understand her. Try asking her if she needs help or just wants to talk.
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Be kind to everyone, not just her. Being kind is an underrated value, and a woman appreciates that quality in you. It’s not enough to just be nice to her, though. Show her you’re a truly kind-hearted person. When you’re kind to waiters or even strangers, it shows her you’re a compassionate person who values others. [6] X Research source
- Be polite to strangers. Hold the door open for the people behind you, for instance.
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Go on adventures together. While she might not want you to turn into an adrenaline junkie, she’ll probably appreciate that you’re willing to try new things to make her life more exciting. Get out of the house and enjoy your life together. Jbara tells us that having adventures and trying new things develops a deeper level of intimacy.
- Traveling and outdoor activities are easy ways to experiment and be more adventurous. Try going for a hike in the mountains in the next state over…or head out on a road trip!
- Take her to an amusement park and ride all the roller coasters together.
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Show her how much you believe in her. It’s so important to have someone in your corner who really believes in you. Never let her doubt that you believe she can handle any challenge that comes her way. You know she’s amazing, so make sure you tell her so.
- Say something like, “I’m sorry that you’re dealing with Becca’s drama. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot. But that’s one of the really great things about you: you are such a loyal friend and will stick by her no matter what.”
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Take things one day at a time. Whether you’re trying to build a new bond or strengthen an existing one, take your time and don’t put pressure on your partner. It’s as important to accept where your relationship is now as it is to recognize that it’s not working for you. You can’t control how she feels, but you can control your perspective. You may even find your relationship gets stronger in a way you didn’t expect. [7] X Research source
- Don’t rush a woman into taking the next step. Let go of any expectations about what you want from her and let things happen naturally.
- If a woman is starting to have doubts and you turn on the pressure, she may retreat even further.
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Make time for just the two of you. Setting aside time to be a couple is crucial for your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. She needs to feel like you’re really there for her, and that means being present as much as you can.
- For instance, plan a date for just the two of you rather than your usual group of friends.
- If you’re living together, you can go to bed half an hour early so that you two have time to talk and be intimate.
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Develop yourself as a person by focusing on self-improvement. If you have your own goals and passions, it’ll be easier for her to stay interested in you. Work on becoming more mature, pursuing new goals, and letting your interests evolve naturally. [8] X Research source Get involved with a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.
- For example, try taking one of your interests and turning it into a serious hobby. If you love reading memoirs, try writing your own.
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Don’t tell her everything about you right away. Instead, slowly reveal details about yourself and your past experiences to her. For instance, wait until she asks about your education to reveal that you graduated at the top of your class from MIT. She’ll be impressed by your accomplishments as well as your modesty.
- If you’ve been together for a while, don’t give her minute-by-minute rundowns of your day. Wait to share important or funny stories when you have time to really connect.
- Don’t tell her you’re an amazing cook. Instead, surprise her with a home-cooked meal that will have her praising your skills in the kitchen. You can even bring the meal to her for lunch if you aren’t able to have the house to yourself.
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Share your thoughts even when you disagree. Being a “yes man” might seem like a good way to get someone to like or even love you, but it can backfire in the long run. First, you’ll be happier if you get to have input in decisions. Second, sharing your honest opinions lets your partner get to know the real you.
- Don’t be afraid to disagree. As long as you respect each other’s thoughts and opinions, you can build deeper bonds and a stronger relationship. [9] X Research source
- In the moment, disagreeing with your partner can make her feel abandoned. Make an effort to show her you respect her point of view even though you disagree.
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Find out what she needs in a relationship. Your partner is an individual with unique wants and needs in a relationship. Find out what those wants and needs are and fulfill them if you can. If you can’t figure out her needs, ask her directly. She’ll appreciate your efforts to find out what makes her happy. [10] X Research source
- Meet her physical needs by showing affection and ensuring she receives pleasure when you are intimate.
- Fulfill her emotional needs by listening to her, being supportive, and talking to her about stimulating and interesting things.
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Put effort into making your relationship work. Say “thank you” when she does something for you, even if it’s something she’s done a million times before. Make romantic gestures like writing her a love letter, wooing her, and making an effort to impress her. [11] X Research source
- For example, come up with a special date night that’s tailored to her likes and interests. If she loves watching old movies, take her to a quaint historic movie theater that shows black-and-white films.
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Make her a priority in your life. When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s even more important to let your partner know how much she means to you. Ask her how she feels, but don’t pry. Sometimes, it’s enough to let her know that you’re there for her and ready to listen when she wants to talk.
- If you notice she’s having a hard time at work, ask her if there’s anything you can do to help.
- Turn off your phone when she wants to talk. Giving a woman your undivided attention goes a long way toward showing her that she’s a priority in your life. [12] X Research source
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Balance your time together with time apart. While spending time with each other is essential, you also need time alone or with other people. It’s important to make sure you each have your own interests and friends. Plus, having your own interests makes the time you spend with her seem more valuable. Jbara warns, “For her, it's like, Well, does this man not have anything better to do?” So, set up a Tuesday poker night with the boys or join a sports league that gets you out of the house on Saturday mornings. [13] X Research source
- Plan to hang out with her four nights a week and spend the other three with your friends or family.
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Try being more spontaneous. Keep an eye out for opportunities to break up your routine and show you’re always thinking about ways to make her happy. If you eat at the same restaurant every weekend, spark her interest by trying a hip new eatery. [14] X Research source Take her on imaginative dates every now and then, like geocaching or volunteering in your community.
- Try surprising her with a simple gift (flowers, a teddy bear, etc.) when she’s least expecting it.
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Support her interests and ambitions. Show interest in her goals. When you’re willing to help her pursue her dreams, she’ll know you’re the kind of person who really cares about what she wants in life. A woman wants someone she can count on for support. Find ways to help her pursue what she loves, and you’ll go far toward keeping her interest.
- For example, if she really loves fashion, help her start a blog or vlog where she can give advice to others. You can take pictures of her and help her figure out how to build a website.
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Take on new challenges together. Taking on challenges together not only makes your lives more interesting but it also helps bring you together and increase your confidence in each other. Taking on challenges together is actually one of the most effective ways of building strong feelings between two people. You can consider things like:
- Get in shape or compete in a sporting event.
- Learn a new language before going on a trip.
- Take up yoga or meditation together. [15] X Research source
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Learn new things together. Learning together can be a great way to keep things interesting. It not only engages your brains (together!) but also gives you more things to talk about…and chances to bond. There are lots of different ways that you can learn together, and many are free. Choose a subject you’re both interested in to make it fun.
- Watch online educational videos, like TEDTalks or Crash Course on YouTube.
- Take free online courses with sites like Coursera, or sign up for a class at your local community college.
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Remind her why she fell for you. Think about how you acted when you first met. Ask yourself how you got her attention. What did you do to show you you wanted to be with her? Reminisce about those exciting days when you first fell in love, and try to recapture some of that feeling.
- Revisit your first date. A good way to remind her why she fell in love with you is to relive some of the most memorable moments of your early relationship. [16] X Research source
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Section 2 of 2:
Coping with a Woman Losing Interest
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Improve your self-worth by learning to love yourself. Try to remember that you’re an amazing person who’s worthy no matter what your relationship status is. When someone loses interest in having a romantic relationship with you, it can take a toll on your self-worth.
- Focus on learning to love yourself, and you might find that your partner appreciates you more. [17] X Research source
- If they don’t see what a great catch you are, maybe it's time to find someone who does.
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Pursue your own interests. Distract yourself from issues in your relationship by taking up a new hobby, or just trying something new. Try to fill up your time instead of dwelling on your problems. Spend time with your friends and family, take a yoga class, learn how to work a pottery wheel, or try anything else that catches your interest.
- Pursuing new hobbies or other interests also helps you make new memories to give you things other than your relationship to look back on. [18] X Research source
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Learn about how different people build connections. Building a meaningful connection with a woman starts with a healthy, secure attachment. Attachment theory suggests that the attachment style you learned as a baby can inform how you make connections with others as an adult. [19] X Research source Figuring out your attachment style can help you understand why you behave in certain ways in a relationship and give you some insight into your partner’s behavior.
- Try to avoid overanalyzing your partner or applying attachment theory too rigidly to your relationship.
- Use this knowledge to have better self-awareness and understand why you feel the way you do.
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Remember that it might not have anything to do with you. Sometimes, women become less interested in a relationship due to what’s going on in their own lives. While it might not feel great when this happens to you, it’s not a reflection of your value as a human being. [20] X Research sourceEXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
Notice the level of intimacy in your relationship. If she seems unresponsive when you suggest something romantic, communicate with her. Some people prefer to have more personal space in relationships, or they might be facing personal challenges that drain their energy.
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Communicate your concerns calmly and clearly. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to talk to your partner directly about your feelings. Tell her you feel like she’s losing interest, keeping the focus on your feelings. Make a point of taking responsibility for your feelings. [21] X Research source Try to remain calm during your interactions. This shows her that it’s safe to open up to you.
- Be clear about what you need in the relationship, and then ask her about what she needs.
- She may need time to process, so give her space to think things through.
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Accept her decision to move on. This might be the hardest part, but the best thing you can do is accept her decision and try to move on if she decides to end things. Don’t bargain or beg; this just makes it seem like you’re desperate or don’t respect her feelings. If she’s lost interest, don’t call, text, or show up at her house to try to convince her you’re meant to be. It can push her even further away.
- Continued unwanted contact is considered stalking, which is a serious legal issue. [22] X Research source You’re always better off letting her go and moving on with your life.
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Speak with a counselor or therapist to help process your feelings. If you’re having difficulty talking with your partner or getting over a breakup, it might help to talk to a professional. A therapist can help you process your feelings and develop good communication skills, which can lead to healthier, more successful relationships.
- Withdrawing from other people or obsessively dwelling on an ending relationship are signs that you may need help moving on.
- Other signs are problems at work, sleep issues, and relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol. [23] X Research source
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QuestionHow can I deepen my relationship with my girlfriend?Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.Dig deep, maybe even sharing things no one else knows. If you are able to be vulnerable and share painful things from your past, and you see understanding and empathy from each other, that creates a deep and meaningful connection. For some people, their partner is the only person in the world who knows that story — think about how special that is, and how irreplaceable you are to your partner.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-mindfulness/202207/why-non-sexual-touch-is-so-essential
- ↑ https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rstb.2021.0176
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_laughter_brings_us_together
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-flirt-with-spouse/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201111/the-art-listening-how-open-are-your-ears
- ↑ http://www.newlovetimes.com/10-tips-on-how-to-keep-a-girl-interested/
- ↑ https://blog.heartmanity.com/let-go-of-expectations-and-start-enjoying-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.losangelesmftherapist.com/post/how-do-i-get-over-a-breakup-tips-for-coping-with-the-end-of-a-relationship-and-moving-on/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/evolution-the-self/201009/can-you-and-your-partner-agree-disagree
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201404/when-your-partner-doesnt-meet-your-needs-what-can-you-do
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-to-rekindle-a-relationship#how-to-rekindle-love-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/ways-to-make-your-wife-priority/
- ↑ http://www.askmen.com/scent/attraction/top-10-tips-to-keep-a-new-girl-interested_8.html
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a9994022/how-to-be-spontaneous-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-challenge-yourself
- ↑ https://healthyrelationshipsinitiative.org/re-create-your-first-date/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-you-us/201604/do-you-have-love-yourself-someone-else-can
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201804/six-psychological-strategies-getting-over-bad-breakup
- ↑ http://labs.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
- ↑ https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/relationship-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
- ↑ https://victimconnect.org/learn/types-of-crime/stalking/
- ↑ https://therapygroupdc.com/therapist-dc-blog/how-do-you-know-if-you-need-counseling-from-a-relationship-that-has-ended/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
Once you’ve started a relationship with a girl, keeping her interested can be a challenge. But, with a little care and effort, you can make sure the romance stays fresh and exciting for both of you. Creating a close bond is key to making any relationship last, so make sure you set aside special time for just the two of you on a regular basis. Keep things interesting by mixing up your routine and doing fun things together, like trying out a new hobby, taking a class, or even going on a spontaneous road trip. When you’re with her, take time to talk to her about her life and interests, and ask her questions about herself to show that you care about her. For instance, try saying things like, “How are you feeling about school lately?” or “What are you thinking of doing after you graduate?” In addition to talking about her, it’s also important to discuss your relationship sometimes. Let her know what she means to you, and don’t hesitate to discuss any problems between the two of you in an honest, non-judgmental way. You can also try asking her how she’s feeling about things. For example, “Is there anything about our relationship that’s not working for you right now?” or “I’d love it if we could spend a little more time together. How would you feel about doing a regular date night every Saturday?” Showing affection is another big part of keeping up interest in a relationship, so look for different ways to express your feelings for her. For instance, if she’s into physical affection, make sure you take time to cuddle, make out, or even just hold hands. You can also show your love by telling her how you feel about her, getting her little gifts, or giving her a hand when she needs help with something. Even though spending time together is important, remember that time apart is also key to any healthy relationship. Make sure that both of you get a chance to spend time doing things you enjoy on your own. Focusing on your own interests, goals, and friendships can also help you be the best version of yourself, which is another important part of keeping her interested in you. For more advice from our Relationships co-author, including how to make yourself more exciting and interesting to her, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I love how this article is for a man's point of view on how to keep things "interesting" for her, but in all reality, everything that is said here can be for both men and women to follow, and it doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or homosexual!" ..." more
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"I love how this article is for a man's point of view on how to keep things "interesting" for her, but in all reality, everything that is said here can be for both men and women to follow, and it doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or homosexual!"
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"Some nice tips here I can use to keep my new lady friend interested in me! Will take her new places."
"These are good tips, and will surely help to keep the spark alive! Props to the op."
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"Now I am confident of talking to the girl I love."
