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Overcome your doubts and build a solid, trusting relationship with your boyfriend
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Most of us know that trust is a key element in developing a strong, long-lasting relationship. While it’s completely normal to have some doubts every now and then, not trusting your partner at all can lead to a lot of hurt feelings and relationship issues. That’s why we’ve compiled a comprehensive article so you can learn how to trust your boyfriend and strengthen your relationship overall.
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QuestionWhy is it so difficult to trust my boyfriend?Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.It's possible that something from your past is informing your ability to trust now. If that's the case, being open about what you're feeling with your boyfriend and talking to a therapist will really help! However, if your boyfriend is doing something to trigger your suspicion, that's a different matter entirely and you should address that with him.
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QuestionHow do you fix trust issues?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).There is not a quick "fix" for a trust violation. It will take a lot of dialogue, honesty, and demonstration of changed behaviors. Don't fall into a quick and easy fix.
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QuestionWhat do you do when you can't trust your boyfriend?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).This is a serious problem and can interfere with the ongoing relationship. It is important for the other person to acknowledge that they have violated your trust. Listen carefully to what they say and what they propose to win your trust back. Make sure your source is good if you accuse them of a violation.
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Tips
- If your boyfriend repeatedly breaks your trust and does not show any interest in discussing or addressing the issues, it may be time to move on from the relationship.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Though it may be difficult, try not to assume that just because you've experienced betrayal in a previous relationship, that means your current boyfriend will also betray you. Give him a fair chance until he does something to weaken your trust or cause concerns.
- Evaluate your own perception of yourself. Low self-esteem can make you feel insecure, which can make it a lot more difficult for you to trust your boyfriend, even if he's perfectly trustworthy.
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References
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/building-trust-after-cheating/
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/trust-exercises-to-try-with-your-partner/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201912/what-if-you-are-controlling-partner
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201912/what-if-you-are-controlling-partner
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/build-trust/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/7-ways-build-trust-in-relationship
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/build-trust/
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/build-trust/
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/from-time-to-quality-time-making-every-moment-count
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/7-ways-build-trust-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/trust-exercises-to-try-with-your-partner/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re struggling to trust your boyfriend, think about the root cause of your mistrust. For example, if you were cheated on in a past relationship, try to understand that every relationship is different and your boyfriend doesn’t reflect your previous partners. Instead, spend more quality time together to strengthen your relationship, since too much distance can lead to anxiety and distrust. Another thing you can do is agree to admit your mistakes when you make them and apologize, so you don’t have to play guessing games. If you're worried about your partner talking about you behind your back, ask them to agree not to gossip about your relationship. For more tips from our Social Work co-author, including how to rebuild trust after a betrayal, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "A superb article written very beautifully; opening each and every possibility. If anyone really wants to learn something from it, reading it once is not enough as it contains many things on a single page. Thanks." ..." more
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"A superb article written very beautifully; opening each and every possibility. If anyone really wants to learn something from it, reading it once is not enough as it contains many things on a single page. Thanks."
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"I realize now I have definite trust issues, and I'm in a relationship now that deserves my trust. It's either start trusting other people or live an unfulfilled and lonely life."
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"Taking a look at myself and my trust issues, and when to act on that little voice or instinct, helped. It is time for more counseling, to work on myself. Thank you."
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"It helped me a lot with my self confidence, and how to trust him when he's not around."
