PDF download Download Article
The science of empathizing, telepathy, and mind-reading
PDF download Download Article

It’s hard to imagine anything more useful than knowing what other people are thinking. But if people’s thoughts seem to be locked away in their own heads, how can you read their minds? Plenty of ways, as it turns out. By being observant and open-minded, you can actually begin to make educated guesses on how other people are feeling. We’re here to show you how with this complete guide on how to read people’s minds.

Reading People's Minds

As disappointing as it may seem, the best way to find out what someone is thinking is to ask them directly. At the same time, if you listen carefully to their tone and pay attention to their body language, you can learn more about what's on their mind and how they really feel.

Section 1 of 4:

What does it mean to read minds?

PDF download Download Article
  1. It isn’t quite telepathy—or using some kind of supernatural power to read people’s exact thoughts—but it is about having what some psychologists call “empathic accuracy,” where you’re clued in to how another person is feeling. [1]
    • These cues can come from another person’s body language, their backgrounds, and paying attention to the details and style in which they say things. For example, someone might cross their arms when they're angry or upset. [2]
    • Some scientists also refer to “mind-reading motivation,” which is a skill that allows people to better understand the mental states of others. [3]
    • For example, someone with high mind-reading motivation might notice their colleague is anxious because they keep drumming their fingers.
  2. We actually do this all the time—you probably try to figure out what someone else is thinking at least a couple times a day. You may not even be fully conscious of doing this—mentalizing can happen even when you’re thinking of something completely different. [4]
    • Being able to mentalize and understand other people’s emotional states can be a very valuable skill in the workplace, at school, or in your personal life.
    • Anyone working in an area where they have to understand other people well—like diplomats, healthcare workers, or businesspeople—can benefit a lot from honing their mentalization skills.
    • Studies have shown that women tend to be better at mentalizing than men. [5]
    • People with autism may find mentalizing to be difficult. Many people with autism have strategies like practicing conversations ahead of time to manage their difficulties understanding other people’s emotions. [6]
    Advertisement
  3. Avoid assuming that you know what another person is thinking or feeling with 100% certainty—with mind reading, you’re making an educated guess, which means you’re likely to be wrong on occasion. [7]
    • Remember that other people are the authority on their own feelings, so try not to think you know what they need better than they do.
  4. Advertisement
Section 2 of 4:

Reading Minds in Person

PDF download Download Article
  1. When someone is speaking to you, ask yourself what the most important things they’re communicating are. Use active listening skills: avoid interrupting them, listen, ask questions, give them time to answer, and listen some more. [8]
    • Deep conversations aren’t the only way to understand someone else. Small talk gives you a chance to see how someone acts normally and when they’re in a relaxed state.
    • For example, if a friend seems bubbly and talkative when you’re discussing the weather, but takes longer to respond and gives you ambiguous answers when you ask them how their family is doing, family could be a difficult subject for them.
    • You might say something like, “How is your sister?” and be met with a moment of silence before your friend responds “I think she’s doing good.”
    • In this example, your friend might be having some relationship difficulties with their sister, since they said “I think” instead of “She’s doing good.”
  2. Reading body language is a key tool for understanding other people’s mental states, but it can take some practice to learn. Body language can reveal things about people that they don’t want to say, or that they may not even be aware of themselves. If someone is saying “yes,” but their body language says “no,” it can alert you that something is off. [9] There are whole books written just on body language, but to get started, here are the things you should look out for:
    • Eyes : When people see something that excites them, when they’re making a hard choice, or when they’re experiencing strong feelings, their pupils tend to get bigger. [10]
    • Posture : Does the person you’re talking to seem stiff and tensed up, or relaxed? This can give you a clue as to how stressed they are. [11]
    • Facial expressions : A genuine smile involves more than just the lips. If someone is truly smiling, you’ll likely see laugh lines or small wrinkles around their eyes. [12] Someone who is frowning might be upset or angry. [13]
    • Hand gestures : Someone who’s nervous might be restlessly playing with a pencil or another object in their hands. [14]
    • Tone of voice : A person who is comfortable generally has a relaxed, warm, or confident tone of voice. [15] On the flip side, you might notice that the person sounds annoyed or angry. [16]
  3. Age, culture, and beliefs all have an important impact on what someone is thinking at any given time. Use your knowledge of someone else’s background to help you piece together their mindset. [17]
    • For example, if you’re pitching a business deal to an older person, they might be more concerned about risk than a younger person, who could be excited by it. [18]
    • Someone from a more traditional and introverted culture may refuse to be controversial, even when they’re upset. [19]
  4. Sensory awareness is a term that means the awareness of how your own body is feeling in relation to the world around you. Seeing others in pain or suffering can activate your own body’s sense of suffering. [20]
    • If someone is causing you to feel extremely sad or happy, take this as a signal to think about if they might be feeling these emotions themselves. [21]
  5. Advertisement
Section 3 of 4:

What other ways can you read minds?

PDF download Download Article
  1. In their texts or e-mails, what subjects do they seem to be most interested in? If they’ve published any blogs or public-facing writing, read those. How do their tone and word choices change when talking about things they feel passionate about? [22]
    • For example, if someone you’re interested in has a travel blog, they’ll likely feel a connection to you if you appeal to their sense of adventure.
  2. The things people post about and the tone they use in their posts can clue you into their thoughts and feelings about all kinds of issues. You can even tell how comfortable someone is in social situations through social media: introverts tend to use more words focusing on themselves, like “I,” while extraverts tend to use words reflecting social activities, like “love,” “night,” or “party.” [23]
    • If you want to get to know someone’s mindset better through social media, try seeing what accounts they follow to get an idea of their interests.
  3. People who are close to someone who you want to understand better are likely to have a good idea of their likes and dislikes, as well as how they would react in certain situations. Try asking a friend or family member of someone you’re interested in about what that person might think about a certain subject. [24]
    • For example, if you’re trying to find out what activities someone might like doing on a date, try asking their sibling a question like, “What kind of food does your sister like?”
  4. Someone wearing a fur coat, for example, isn’t likely to be an animal rights activist. Keep in mind that there are limits to how much you can understand from someone’s appearance—a uniform says more about where someone works than who they are. [25]
    • As an example, if someone has dyed their hair an unusual color and wears edgy clothing, they’re likely to have unconventional or open-minded opinions about social issues.
  5. Advertisement
Section 4 of 4:

Becoming a Better Mind Reader

PDF download Download Article
  1. Try to be open-minded when considering how someone else might feel. Remember that just because you would react in a certain way doesn’t mean someone else would. [26]
    • For example, just because you would be upset if someone else cancelled plans at the last moment, this doesn’t mean that someone else is.
  2. While deductive reasoning starts from a premise and then tries to find evidence to support it (“he’s mad, so he’s looking at the ground”), inductive reasoning does the complete opposite (“he’s looking at the ground, so he may be mad”). The key to mind-reading is to gather evidence before you make a judgment on how someone might be feeling, rather than the other way around. [27]
    • People with social anxiety often struggle with using deductive reasoning instead of inductive reasoning. If you assume that people are judging you negatively and try to find a way to prove this, you aren’t mind-reading—this is just your anxiety talking. [28]
  3. Although it’s not mind-reading, the single best way to understand someone else’s feelings is to simply talk to them directly. Studies have shown that our ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes is actually not as strong as we might think. In order to avoid miscommunications, be genuinely curious and courageous. [29]
    • For example, you might say something like, “I think you seem a little nervous, but I could be totally off. How are you feeling?”
    • Or, you might say, “I feel like you enjoy spending time with me, but I can’t be sure. How have you been feeling about this evening?”
  4. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How can I tell if someone likes me without asking?
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Watch their actions. Someone who likes you will be very responsive to you. They'll want to talk to you, text you, and spend time with you.
  • Question
    How do I tell if my partner is irritated or mad at me?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    Start by looking at their face to see if they're frowning or look upset. If they're upset with you, they might be really quiet or could have a big shift in energy. You could also check their body language. If they're upset, they may cross their arms over their body. You may also notice that their tone of voice sounds annoyed or that they're snapping at you.
Ask a Question
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      • In the near future, machines are likely to be able to read our thought patterns through electronic signals. If you’re really interested in reading minds, you might want to consider a career in neuroscience. [30]


      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement
      1. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28072452/
      2. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      3. https://www.nbcnews.com/healthmain/how-spot-fake-smile-its-all-eyes-1c9386917
      4. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      5. ​​ https://essay.utwente.nl/72853/1/Thesis_%20Bianca_%20Ciuffani_s1108905.pdf
      6. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      7. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      8. https://www.edutopia.org/discussion/being-mindful-cultural-differences
      9. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3840427/
      10. https://www.edutopia.org/discussion/being-mindful-cultural-differences
      11. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/neuroscience-empathy
      12. https://lesley.edu/article/the-psychology-of-emotional-and-cognitive-empathy#
      13. https://www.umgc.edu/current-students/learning-resources/writing-center/online-guide-to-writing/tutorial/chapter3/ch3-21.html
      14. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/202009/what-can-we-learn-about-people-their-social-media
      15. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/how-well-do-you-know-your-friends.html
      16. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34566800/
      17. https://www.mequilibrium.com/resources/secrets-of-communication-from-a-professional-mind-reader/
      18. https://iep.utm.edu/deductive-inductive-arguments/
      19. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2015/12/social-anxietys-minions-mind-reading-and-projecting
      20. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_putting_yourself_in_someone_elses_shoes_may_backfire
      21. https://www.nature.com/articles/502428a

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 189,223 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Sophie W.

        Jan 29

        "Gave me good information about how to read minds. It's interesting to read."
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement