Why Your Crush Makes Eye Contact but Won't Talk (& What to Do About It)

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Decode your crush’s eye contact & make the first move
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Having a crush can feel exciting and confusing at the same time, especially if you keep making eye contact with them but never talk. Your crush’s quick and long glances might be a sign that they’re interested in you and want to talk. To help you figure out your crush’s gazes, we interviewed expert dating coaches to find out what eye contact without talking can mean, when eye contact is a sign of attraction, and how to make the first move and talk to your crush!

Things You Should Know

  • Making eye contact with your crush but not talking might mean that your crush likes you but is too shy to approach you.
  • If your crush holds your gaze and smiles, they might be inviting you to make the first move.
  • Your crush might make eye contact because they’re interested in you platonically or want to ask you a question.
Section 1 of 3:

Possible Reasons Why Your Crush Makes Eye Contact but Doesn’t Talk

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    If your crush has caught feelings, they might search for your gaze to signal their attraction but freeze every time you actually make eye contact. They likely want to talk to you but feel nervous about saying the wrong thing or coming across as awkward. [1]
    • This can also be a sign that your crush is worried about getting rejected. While they like you a lot, their fear might outweigh their desire to talk to you.
    • It’s totally normal to feel shy about approaching your crush, too. This is just a sign that you’re excited about them but nervous about approaching them.
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    Mark Rosenfield, expert dating coach, explains that “eye contact is usually the very first invitation for the [other person] to make a move.” When your crush catches your gaze, holds it for several seconds, and smiles, they’re likely sending you a flirty sign to approach them and start up a conversation!
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    If you can feel the electricity between you and your crush but you’re still not talking, making eye contact can communicate your mutual attraction. Gazing into each other’s eyes can deepen your trust, build intimacy, and make you feel closer. [2]
    • Prolonged eye contact can release oxytocin in your body, which is the hormone responsible for increasing trust, attachment, and attraction. [3]
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    Making eye contact isn’t always romantic and is sometimes just a way to grab your attention. [4] Your crush might be curious about something you said or did, so they’re thinking about approaching you. Or, they might like you as a friend and be working up the courage to talk to you!
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    Some eye contact is completely neutral and unconscious. If you and your crush lock eyes but there’s no quick look away, lingering stare, or spark of recognition, their gaze might just be wandering around and happen to fall on you. [5]
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Section 2 of 3:

Meaning of Different Types of Eye Contact

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    If your crush catches your eye, notices you looking back, and quickly looks away and down, they likely have feelings for you. This can be a sign that they feel shy or embarrassed about their feelings. [6]
    • If your crush breaks eye contact by looking up or sideways, their gaze might simply be neutral and non-romantic. [7]
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    Your crush breaking eye contact only to gaze at you again can be a huge signal that they’re romantically interested in you. One glance wasn’t enough, showing you that they’re thinking about you and that they’ll be receptive to a conversation. [8]
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    If your crush maintains eye contact with you for at least 2 to 3 seconds, smiles, and drops their gaze to your mouth, they more than likely like you. Making prolonged eye contact is an invitation from your crush to approach them, as eye contact gets your blood pumping and the electricity crackling. [9]
    • Watch your crush’s eye movement to tell if their gaze is platonic or romantic. Platonic eye contact roams between your eyes and nose while romantic eye contact drops to your mouth and below. [10]
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    Gazing into each other’s eyes for several seconds to minutes is typically a sign of closeness and intimacy. It can also signal fiery passion between you and your crush. [11]
    • Eye contact can mean different things depending on your culture and how you feel about the person. It can feel creepy if you don’t like them or intimidating if you’re scared of them.
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    If your crush is avoiding your gaze, look at their body language to determine what it means. Crossing their arms and turning away from you can mean they’re no longer interested. [12]
    • Avoiding eye contact doesn’t automatically mean your crush doesn’t like you. Some people have a hard time making eye contact, especially if they’re shy, insecure, or have autism or social anxiety. [13]
    • If your crush’s body language is open and directed toward you, they’re likely still interested.
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Section 3 of 3:

Making the First Move on Your Crush

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    Planning what you’re going to say can help you feel less nervous. You might ask about your crush’s weekend, their hobbies, a class or work project you share, or bring up a current event in the news. [14]
    • Visualize having the conversation, too. Thinking about what you’ll say and how they’ll respond can make you feel more prepared.
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    If you haven’t officially met your crush, catch their eye, smile, and introduce yourself . A simple, “Hey! I’m Carlos. I’m not sure we’ve met before,” is all you need to get the conversation rolling. Your crush will most likely reply back with their name. If they don’t, kindly ask, “What’s your name?”
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    Expert dating coach Mark Rosenfeld recommends “comment[ing] on something in the environment,” like a funny moment in class or the weather, or giving them a compliment by “comment[ing] on something they're wearing.”

    Or, strike up a conversation by asking about their day, their interests, or a class or activity you have in common. [17]
    • For instance, you might say, “That video Ms. Thompson showed us was so funny!” or, “I love your jacket! Where’d you get it?”
    • Or, you might ask, “So, I heard you’re a big music buff. What are you listening to right now?” or, “You’re in Mr. Jacob’s class, right? Have you started his science project yet?”
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    Mark Rosenfeld, dating coach, advises “making eye contact [and] facing the person directly or a little bit on an angle” to show your crush that you’re interested in them, as well as keeping your “chin and chest up.”

    He says not to “cross your arm[s] unless you want to close [yourself] off to them to [them].” Instead, having open body language and “smiling…goes a long way to being inviting and approachable.”
    • To make great eye contact , gaze into your crush’s eyes for 4 to 5 seconds before looking up or to the side. [18]
    • Dating coach Christina Jay agrees, adding that you should smile and make “subtle yet noticeable” eye contact instead of staring intensely.
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    Show your interest in your crush and make the conversation engaging by asking questions that require more than a “Yes” or “No” answer. For instance, you might ask them how their soccer team is doing or what they thought about the newest superhero movie.

    Then, use their answers to ask more questions or chime in with your opinion or a related story. If they’re responding enthusiastically, smiling, and asking you questions back, the conversation is going great! [19]
    • If your crush is giving you single-word answers, looking away, or crossing their arms, they might be uninterested. So, politely take that as your cue to say you have to go and end the conversation.
    • Don’t be discouraged if your crush seems disinterested, as they might be busy or not feeling 100%.
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    If your initial conversation goes well, ask your crush for their phone number. Then, keep talking to your crush so they know you’re into them!

    For instance, greet them when you see them in person and follow up on things you talked about. Or, text them funny memes and videos to get a conversation started online. [20]
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    Expert dating coach Mark Rosenfeld says you’ll know your crush likes you back if they’re “enjoying the conversation [and] being responsive…especially if they're starting to initiate [conversations].”

    Your crush’s body language can show that they’re interested, too. If they like you, they’ll likely make good eye contact, smile, face their body towards you, and mirror your position. [21]
    • Flirt with your crush a little to see if they flirt back! Playfully tease them, compliment them, or gently brush their arm or hand.
    • Look for signs that your crush isn’t interested , too. Expert dating coach Christina Jay says “if they are always too busy or take too long to respond to messages, they are likely not interested or do not have the time to devote to a relationship.”
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    ​​As dating coach Christina Jay points out, “you don’t really know [if your crush likes you] until you ask them out on a date!” She recommends directly telling your crush how you feel and then inviting them out on a date .
    • For instance, say something like, “​​I really enjoy hanging out with you and I want you to know that I like you."
    • Then, be specific about what you want to do with your crush or where you want to take them.
    • If your crush doesn’t like you back , politely wish them well and say goodbye. While rejection can hurt, be proud about putting yourself out there.
    • Then, get your mind off of your crush by hanging out with your friends and family and diving into new hobbies. [22]
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      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dating, check out our in-depth interview with Mark Rosenfeld .

      References

      1. ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/eye-contact-attraction/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202108/why-gazing-partner-s-eyes-boosts-intimacy-and-sexual-pleasure
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5360920/
      4. ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13414-016-1085-8
      5. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/types-of-eye-contact-attraction/
      6. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/types-of-eye-contact-attraction/
      7. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/parts_body_language/eyes_body_language.htm
      8. ↑ https://www.bonobology.com/eye-contact-attraction-relationship/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
      1. ↑ ​​ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/know-someone-attracted/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202108/why-gazing-partner-s-eyes-boosts-intimacy-and-sexual-pleasure
      3. ↑ https://iso.mit.edu/americanisms/eye-contact-in-the-united-states/
      4. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5705114/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/do-the-right-thing/201203/five-strategies-fabulous-first-impression?collection=91040
      6. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/breathing-exercises-for-stress/
      7. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-be-more-confident
      8. ↑ https://socialself.com/start-conversation/
      9. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/difficulty-maintaining-eye-contact/
      10. ↑ https://socialself.com/start-conversation/
      11. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a37820/chill-ways-to-flirt-with-your-crush/
      12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      13. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection

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