How to Respond to an Apology via Text

Co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: June 12, 2024 References

It can be hard to know what to say when someone apologizes to you, especially if they say “sorry” over text instead of in person. In this article, we’ll talk you through how to recognize a sincere apology and give you some tips on how to reply—whether you accept the apology or not.

1

Give yourself time to calm down.

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Don’t respond in the heat of the moment. If you’re still mad at the other person, you might be tempted to react to their apology with an angry text. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy for angry texting to spiral out of control into a hurtful argument. ^{[1]
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Research source} To avoid saying something you might regret, put the phone down for a little while and think about what you want to say .
- Take a few minutes—or even a day or two, if necessary—to process your feelings before you answer.

2

Look for signs that the apology is sincere.

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A good apology should be unconditional. It can be really hard to pick up on someone’s tone over text, which is why it’s not the ideal way to give (or respond to) an apology . Still, the actual words of the apology can help you figure out if it’s sincere or not. ^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source} A good apology should: ^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- Express remorse. For example, “I feel terrible about what I did yesterday.”
- Take responsibility for what they did and recognize the impact it had. For instance, “I understand that what I said was insensitive, and that it really hurt you.”
- Attempt to make things better, e.g., by promising not to repeat the action or offering to make it up to you somehow.
- Avoid making excuses, minimizing what they did, or blaming you for what happened. For example, a good apology should not include phrases like, “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have said that if you hadn’t upset me,” or “I’m sorry if you were offended.” ^{[4]
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 Research source}

3

Be direct and brief.

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However you respond, keep it simple. Texting was designed for quick and easy communication, so it’s not the place to write a detailed essay about your feelings. ^{[5]
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Research source} Whether or not you accept their apology, give them a short answer that gets straight to the point. ^{[6]
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Research source}
- For example, you could say something simple, like, “Thanks for apologizing. That means a lot to me.” Or, “It’s no big deal. Let’s move on.”

4

Tell them you appreciate the apology.

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It takes courage to apologize, even over text. If the apology is sincere, let them know that you recognize their effort—even if you’re still a bit upset. ^{[7]
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Research source} ^{[8]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} Try saying something like:
- “I appreciate your apology.”
- “Thanks for saying that.”
- “What you did really hurt me, but it means a lot that you said sorry. Thank you.”

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: What Is My Apology Language?

You’ve probably heard of love languages, but what about apology languages? Developed by Dr. Gary Chapman (the creator of the 5 Love Languages) alongside Dr. Jennifer Thomas, apology languages are the preferred ways that people like to give and receive apologies. By knowing yours, you can learn how to resolve problems in a more effective and meaningful way. Take this quiz to find out.

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