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When you’re struggling with the aftermath of abuse and trauma, forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind. On the surface, it may seem like a cheap way to completely absolve your past abuser or tormenter of their wrongdoings, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past, but, rather, erasing the resentment, anger, and negativity that a person from your past may have over you. Above all, forgiveness is a choice that only you can make—and with the help of clinical psychologists and counselors, we’ll help you embark on this worthwhile journey.
How can I forgive someone who hurt me deeply?
- Acknowledge the trauma and pain that you’ve experienced so you can start to make peace with what happened.
- Jot down your feelings in a journal to explore them more deeply, and ponder what forgiveness could do for you.
- Try to empathize with the person who hurt you (without excusing or downplaying the severity of their actions).
- Choose to forgive someone when you’re ready, and acknowledge that forgiveness is an ongoing process.
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QuestionDoes forgiveness heal trauma?Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.Definitely! Forgiveness has the ability to allow healing to occur and let the wound transform into a scar, which is a reminder of a wound that is no longer festering and capable of causing you pain.
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QuestionWhy is forgiveness so very important?Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.The consequences of leaving something unforgiven not only affects you, but the people around you. When you retain resentment for someone else, you end up containing anger, hostility, and a barrage of emotional wounds that are left unhealed. Pain that's left unchecked can manifest into a variety of physiological and psychological disorders—likewise, pain left unchecked can have an effect upon your perceptions and worldviews, which in turn has an effect on the people who are in your inner circle.
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QuestionWhat to do when you don't want to forgive someone?Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.Think about what a lack of forgiveness means for you in the long term. If you feel this way, you're holding onto pain that will have a deep impact on your life. Forgiveness allows your grudges, bitterness, and resentment to go away, which allows you to come to a place of peace and personal acceptance. Remember—forgiveness doesn't allow someone to get away with what they've done; instead, it allows those painful events to be removed from your mind and body.
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References
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 3 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201409/how-do-you-forgive-even-when-it-feels-impossible-part-1
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 3 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ Evan Parks, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 October 2021.
- ↑ Evan Parks, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 October 2021.
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 3 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201605/how-do-you-forgive-even-when-it-feels-impossible-part-2
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 3 February 2022.
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it
- ↑ Evan Parks, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 October 2021.
- ↑ https://stanfordmag.org/contents/8-tips-for-forgiving-someone-who-hurt-you
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201605/how-do-you-forgive-even-when-it-feels-impossible-part-2
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