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Do you tend to put other people’s needs ahead of your own? Maybe you’re nervous about being disliked. Maybe you were simply raised to put other people first. Regardless of the reason, learning to prioritize your needs is easy if you practice. It’ll take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of “yes” to everything. Create some boundaries and make your voice heard and your opinion matter. Above all, make time to care for yourself. [1]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about taking charge and learning to not be a people pleaser.
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QuestionHow do you handle social pressure?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.
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QuestionHow do I stop being a pushover?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.Be honest with yourself regarding what you can and can't do, and stay true to your integrity. Understand that if you continue to people please, you may end up lashing out and feeling burnt out. Try to have open and honest conversations with people, as that can encourage compromise.
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QuestionHow can I stop wanting to please everyone?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.When you find yourself people pleasing, ask yourself a few questions before you say yes to something. Does this action make me happy? Do I want to do this? Why am I doing this? Make sure you are staying true to your own needs and sense of integrity before giving a response.
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Tips
- Don't worry about what other people think of you.Thanks
- Ask yourself if you tolerate things other people wouldn’t tolerate. Learn to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.Thanks
- Be persistent. If this is a lifelong habit, it will not be easy to overcome. Maintain enough self-awareness so that you realize when you are being a pleaser.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you can't do something that a friend asks of you and they get upset, reconsider if they are truly your friend or not. Sometimes a response of getting upset is okay, but other times it's not that serious.
- Be yourself, or people will start thinking of you as someone you're not.
- Realize the people you want to please want to please you too.
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References
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2014/11/stand-up
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
- ↑ https://crlt.umich.edu/sites/default/files/resource_files/03_Ten%20Ways%20to%20Say%20No.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/201608/4-ways-set-and-keep-your-personal-boundaries
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/10/compromising-when-compromise-i
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/12942-fostering-a-positive-self-image
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/treatment/finding-a-therapist-who-can-help-you-heal
About This Article
Article Summary
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To stop being a people pleaser, start by telling yourself, "I can make a decision to say yes or no,” to remind yourself that you have choices. Then, practice saying “no” to small requests, such as going out with a friend when you’d rather stay in, so that you can build up to standing up for yourself in bigger matters. Additionally, don’t be afraid to speak up and let others know what you want while staying calm and firm. For example, if your friend invites you out for Italian food, but you’d rather have Korean, tell them you’d like to get Korean food next time. For tips on how to compromise while setting healthy boundaries, read on!
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- "I always tend to please my friends thinking that it would make them like me more, but I get no recognition. I only end up wasting time and chances to do what I really want to do. I've realized that I need to learn to love myself more without their approval." ..." more
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